Ultrasounds and Extra Viewers

Julia's post regarding an article about how someone told their son that they were pregnant again after a miscarriage by taking him with them to the first ultrasound struck a note with me. I stand in awe of the folks who after a loss treat their current pregnancy as though they don't have a care in the world, never have a minute's doubt, and truly believe the entire time that everything will be fine. Having lived through both (and only from my experience) would I surmise that it has something to do with how and when they lost the prior pregnancy or pregnancies. I mean, if you lose a pregnancy because of something that you know, like low progesterone, do you worry less when you're being treated for it in the next pregnancy? I know that, even though Stick-It is viable, I can't bring my heart to totally accept that he'll be fine and healthy and I'll finally bring another child home.

Regarding the article, I have never brought a kid to an u/s. It's hard enough having DH there (Mr. Anxiety does nothing to calm me). I show them the pics later. You know, the ones where you look at them thinking “well, Doctor, that inkspot reminds me of a butterfly” while the parent-to-be coos “Look at the whittle nose! Isn’t he the spitting image of his father?!?”

DS#2 has asked to come to one, but it just hasn’t been doable. I’m anxious enough, and what if he were there and …. On top of that, all my u/s are in the middle of the day (up until next week, when they are at 7:20 a.m. for two weeks) and he is in school (hmmm… maybe we can get him to one, but then are we being unfair to DS #1 who has to be at school no later than 7:23 a.m. …). And since I’m so far along AND the u/s techs just LOVE to spread that get ALL over the place, I find my underwear ending up around my knees, and showing my vajayjay to my boys isn’t on my current to-do list.

When I was about 9 weeks along, we did tell them we were expecting, out of sheer necessity. These are not stupid kids, and besides, DS#1 is Mr. Big Ears. Having lived through their dad's heart attack 4 years ago, losing their brother at 28 wks three months later, the pregnancy and miscarriage a year after that (a whole ten days after we had told them we were pregnant, but that the baby might be very sick and not make it), all the early-morning shuffling and drop-offs so I could make the RE for bloodwork & u/s, etc., they knew something was up. We were just very honest that I was pregnant and that I would have a lot of appointments so the docs could do their best to make sure this one was ok.

We did tell them the sex (yes, I'm one of those people who needs to know) by stopping at a bakery and getting 3 gingerbread men (this bakery makes both gingerbread men and women). I laid them out on the table at home, saying "This one is yours, this one is yours, and who do you think this one is for?". At that point, DS#2 responded with glee, “FOR MY NEW BROTHER!!! YEAH, IT’S NOT A GIRL! ALL GIRLS DO IS WHINE AND CRY!!!” We had to quickly tell him that not all girls are like his friend Chloe (the original spoiled girl that we camp with every summer). DS#1 pumped his fist in the air and said “Alright! I win the bets!!!” Turns out he had made ‘some’ quarter bets with friends, him saying it would be a boy, them saying it would be a girl. When questioned further, it turned out he would be collecting from about 20 kids in his class!!!! Great, next year he’ll probably be a bookie taking odds on the local teams from the teachers!

I find it interesting how those with living children prior to a loss have to walk a different tightrope than others, carefully weighing the situation and the decisions against what is best for ALL their children. Any thoughts, folks?