Maternity Clothes Wars

I have reached the uncomfortable stage in my pregnancy, when you walk around swaybacked to make up for the huge belly in front. I was not on the slender side prior to this pregnancy, but I feel HUGE now. I can’t imagine how big I’ll feel in another three months! Having had two full-term pregnancies and one 28-week loss (the early loss meant I never got to the maternity-clothes stage), my ligaments are stretched (along with everything else), and I am carrying VERY low! I mean, the kicks are all at pelvic level unless I’m lying down on my side; then, Stick-It moves up a little. I am a pack rat by nature, and a procrastinator, so I never cleaned out any of the baby stuff. Honestly, I just shoved it away after losing Jimmy, and since I always thought we’d have one more child, I never went through it. Lucky for me, because I obviously need maternity clothes. Unfortunately for me, being bigger by about fifteen pounds (and in different places) than during my three previous pregnancies, a lot of the saved clothing either doesn’t fit or is off-season. So, realizing I have only a few (maybe three) pair of stretchy pants and four tops at home, along with a dress or two that still fit, I announced to DH on Monday that I needed to go shopping for a few more tops and bottoms to get me through the rest of this pregnancy.

And now, an update for those who haven’t been shopping in a while: apparently, maternity clothes designers are suffering from the same malady as the designers of regular women’s wear and of children’s clothes. It seems they believe that a) you should look like a streetwalker at all times, or b) you have gobs of money to go buy very expensive, classic clothing. Since I’m not dressing like a hoochy mama looking for a daddy for her baby, and I'm not made of money nor willing to spend lots of it on clothes that will not be worn again (because I am D-O-N-E with my childbearing years after this one, ladies), I spent much of my holiday searching desperately for a a few reasonably-priced decent-looking pieces.

Now, I normally take an XL to accommodate my shoulders and bust for tops, and I’m a 16-18 in the bottoms department. Well, that translates for L*iz L#ange at T*arget to be a Medium. I’m not kidding. The crap they’re selling would probably fit those little girls like Nicole Richie who get pregnant with their tiny bellies and then bitch about hitting the 100-pound mark the week before they deliver. Ugh! Or, as I quickly discovered, the designers think we should all emphasize our busts and bellies with empire waists and scoop-neck collars that just make me look even bigger! And did I mention the ribbon on the empire waist that accentuates the bulge, or the wrap-style tops that don’t cover the oversized twins in front that were once my reasonably sized boobs? Further complicating matters are the sweaters and velour tops that they’re stocking. I’m sorry, I’m still working, and it takes place in an office that has no windows that open, a thermostat that is stuck on “unreasonably warm”, and is in a climate that today is hitting 60 degrees outside. I’m already hot from the hormones, idiots, why would I want to wear something to make me sweat more?

So, I managed to find one clingy XXL top that wasn’t too bad and one pair of black slacks. Between that and what I have at home, I hopefully can make it through the next three months. Hopefully, with some carefully mixing and matching, I won’t look like I only have two outfits to pick from!