Baby Shower Fallout

So when did infertility and conception issues get to be grounds for one-upsmanship between women, like it’s a freakin’ contest. The baby shower at work I mentioned: I responded to the hostess last week when I saw her at a work function that I wouldn’t be coming because 1) it’s Halloween and I’m leaving early for trick-or-treating, and 2) I’m just not comfortable with baby showers. Her response? “You know, I lost three before I had my son. That’s one more than you lost.”

What the fuck?!? What do I say to that? “Oh, yeah, well, did you ever lose a child seven months into your pregnancy, have to be induced and labor for 36 hours, deliver, hold, and then have to bury your perfectly healthy baby?!?” I don’t understand it. Then she asks if I’m pregnant yet. This is not a close personal, come-over-on-a-Friday-night-for-drinks-and-talk girlfriend; she is a work friend, the kind that you eat lunch with but don’t socialize out of work with. What she does now is that we're still trying and that we're seeing an RE. I respond “we don’t know yet”. Her answer? “Well, have you thought about adoption? You should really adopt.” And then she turned her attention to another person who had just walked up to the table.

I’m chalking her up as a clueless chatterbox. But the fact that someone who’s been through the struggles of infertility can be that abrupt and condescending is tough to get my head around, especially now.